Ellie is now just over 8 weeks old. While it’s gone by in a flash, it also feels like I’ve been a mom for much longer. It’s hard to believe just 2 months ago, working at the hospital took up most of my days. While my new “boss” is quite demanding, she’s also the sweetest and has added so much joy to George’s and my life. I still have moments of disbelief that George and I are parents to such a beautiful baby girl. It’s hard to gather and organize my thoughts, but here goes.
Body changes continue.
While many pregnancy-related symptoms resolved within the first few days following birth, new body changes from labor & delivery and breastfeeding cropped up.
- Bloodshed
- I was astounded by the amount of blood I lost in the first few weeks following birth. While I did have a small 2nd degree tear, I had no idea I would be losing blood – copious amounts in the first few days. Turns out it’s called lochia and is normal and expected. Thank goodness my doctor and nurses warned me about this or I would have thought I was bleeding out. Passage of clots is also considered normal. While many internet resources say clots up to the size of a ping pong ball are normal, my medical team advised me not to worry unless a clot is the size of my fist or bigger. I’m grateful for that clarification as one night while I was in the shower I heard a thud and looked down to see a clot equivalent to half the size of my fist. It was shocking (and gross:) to say the least and thankfully I passed no additional large clots or I would have called my doctor’s office. In my case, the bleeding pretty much stopped by 2 weeks postpartum, but I did have small amounts of intermittent bleeding even up until weeks 4-5.
- Fluid Loss
- While I was lucky to avoid significant and obvious swelling, I didn’t realize I was in fact retaining fluid. I had “cankles” a handful of times if I either sat or stood for extended periods, but otherwise I had no obvious swelling. In the days following Ellie’s arrival, I was shocked by how small my ankles and legs looked. Apparently, I had been storing excess fluid, though I’m not sure if this was generalized edema or related to the significant increase in blood volume that occurs with pregnancy. In any event, by the time of my 2 week postpartum appointment, I had lost 20 pounds which I presume was mostly related to fluid in addition to the weight of Baby Ellie and the placenta.
- Night Sweats
- Intermittently for the first 4 weeks or so postpartum I woke up drenched in sweat. Initially, it was primarily my back/torso that sweat and then it seemed to be isolated to my legs. It was very uncomfortable to be wet and cold during night time feeds, especially coupled with a tired haze. Thankfully, this has seemed to resolve for me.
- Emotions
- With all the mental and physical changes, I was aware that I would likely feel extra emotional and possibly even sad or depressed in the weeks following Ellie’s arrival. While I’m grateful to have escaped postpartum depression, I certainly did experience ups & downs. I’m feeling more and more like my pre-pregnant self. Getting outside for walks or run-walks always seem to help lift my spirits if I’m having a hard day, as does talking with family and friends.
- Taste Buds
- I had heard many moms say the first meal after giving birth tastes amazing. My taste buds did return to normal fairly quickly, most foods were agreeable to me within the first few days. Almost immediately my love of water returned with a vengeance. I felt a degree of thirst equivalent to that experienced at the finish line of a marathon that is still present. I have had a robust appetite for food and water since Ellie’s arrival which is likely related to healing from pregnancy & delivery as well as to support breastfeeding.
- Bladder Control
- Or perhaps lack thereof 🙂 I didn’t notice much of a problem until my first run-walk at 6 weeks postpartum. Let’s just say I went “wee wee wee all the way home.” While this is gradually improving with each run-walk, I definitely need to get more diligent with kegels and other pelvic floor exercises.
“Pregnancy brain” continues.
I’m not sure if it’s the slight fog from night time feedings or related to hormones, but I still have a touch of “pregnancy brain.” About 2 weeks after Ellie was born, I caught myself talking to my belly at the grocery store as if she were still in there. I even found myself attempting to put my belly in the pantry while using the Ninja as I did throughout pregnancy in attempt to muffle the sound. I’m learning to write things down and immediately tend to things I think of whenever possible to curtail forgotten things on the to-do and shopping lists.
Breastfeeding is different for everyone.
In former jobs I served as a breastfeeding support person and was a Certified Lactation Counselor for a few years. Even still, I attended a wonderful class offered at the hospital as a refresher while pregnant and requested to see the Lactation Consultant after having Ellie just to ensure we were on the right track. I was thrilled that Ellie seemed to latch optimally with ease and I didn’t feel any pain or discomfort which I had been forewarned about from many people. We did run into difficulty keeping Ellie awake to nurse, though. I recall learning how important it is to ensure mom and baby are comfortable to facilitate breastfeeding, so I paid extra attention to maintain a relaxed position while keeping Ellie cozy. Turns out, we actually needed to strip Ellie down in the initial days following birth so she would stay awake to feed. I’m so grateful to one of our nurses for that tip. I’ve also found a need to combine a mix of on-demand feeding and waking Ellie if she sleeps too long. Due to jaundice, we made sure to feed her at least every 3 hours, day and night, during the first week. Once the jaundice cleared, we felt comfortable letting her wake on her own at night. During the day, I tend to offer up a feed if it’s coming close to 4 hours and Ellie isn’t showing signs of hunger yet.
What works today may not work tomorrow.
Just when we think we’ve figured out how to interpret Ellie’s cries, soothe her and get her to sleep, we find ourselves searching for new tips and trying new things. The 1st week and a half was pretty smooth. Ellie would nurse, require a diaper change and then go back to sleep in fairly predictable 3-hour cycles. As week 2 approached, she began crying and screaming each evening around the time the sun went down. Sometimes she was so upset I couldn’t even get her to nurse. Cuddling, singing and rocking didn’t seem to help either. Out of desperation, we turned to a pacifier and eventually gas drops. Luckily, Ellie didn’t show any signs of nipple confusion with the early introduction of the pacifier. These methods worked only sometimes, so we widened our arsenal and started using the Moby wrap to wear her, though she hadn’t yet reached the recommended 8-pound mark. We also purchased a play mat since Ellie’s awake/alert time was increasing. Both worked like a charm at first and then became hit or miss. After a few more weeks with long days of an upset Ellie more often than not, George and I made a purchase we hoped to avoid – a swing-type device. We went with the Mamaroo 4 since it has a variety of motions and was highly rated. Akin to the other items in our arsenal, the Mamaroo works some of the time. While it goes against our minimalist mindset, we ultimately agreed that if something may possibly make Ellie more comfortable, it is worth it. We now have several options to try when Ellie is having a rough day. We suspect Ellie is overtired on her fussiest days, so we’ve been focusing on trying to facilitate favorable environments for Ellie to nap sufficiently during the day. Making sure she is warm and swaddled has been helpful. Otherwise, she requires being in the Moby wrap or on the go in her carseat whether we go for a walk or a drive.
Procrastination is no longer an option.
Prior to motherhood, I was quite a procrastinator. Now, if I don’t take advantage of the short windows of free time during Ellie’s naps to tackle things on my to-do list, I may find myself at the end of the day wondering where the day went and frustrated with myself that things are piling up. I’ve learned to make a point to think about my priorities for the week and each day. When I’m nursing Ellie, I set a goal for what I’m going to accomplish during Ellie’s next nap. Since taking this approach, I feel much less overwhelmed and even feel a sense of calm and improved confidence in myself in my new role as a mom.
Everything is Different.
Goodness this post has become much longer than intended. As I continue to get my thoughts down, I’m realizing everything is different. George and I are adjusting to our new roles as parents while also learning how to maintain and foster our relationship as husband and wife. Ellie is factored into everything we do from errands and household tasks to making plans with friends. We’re learning to be flexible as there’s no way to guarantee Ellie will be on board with even our best strategized plan to get her down for a nap or bed at a certain time. While it’s a challenge and huge learning curve, we couldn’t be more thrilled or grateful to share our lives with Ellie. I could keep on writing, but I’ll cut out here and undoubtedly parenthood and family will remain an underlying theme as our posts morph back to pared living.